Story Time: Augie (by Gilly)

This is a story from one of our readers, Gilly. She shared this with us via our contact form for publishing. If you have a story to share, please share with us as well!

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This story dates back about 35 years, but it’s definitely my funniest pet memory—one that I’ll never forget.

I’ve always been passionate about crafting, and one day, my mom and I went to a craft store to stock up for the fall craft shows. I picked up three yards of red velvet ribbon in three widths: 1/4", 1/2", and 1". After a long night of crafting, I piled everything back into a box by my bed, turned off my lamp, and fell asleep.

The next morning, around 6:00 AM, I woke up and groggily scanned the room. That’s when I spotted a three-foot length of 1/4" red velvet ribbon on the floor, and my heart sank. One end was chewed! I quickly looked for my two cats to ensure they were okay. Tee Cee was blissfully sleeping on the floor, while Augie was perched on the corner of my bed, looking incredibly stuffed. Panic set in—I knew what he had done.

I rushed down the hall to wake my mom, who was half-awake after seeing my dad off to work. I stood in front of her, tears in my eyes, and exclaimed, “Mom! We need to take Augie to the vet! He ate six feet of red velvet ribbon!” She skeptically replied, “Oh, that can’t be! He probably just chewed it up and dragged some away.” But I was convinced he had swallowed it. My mom tried to calm me down, explaining that if he had tried to swallow six feet of anything, he would have choked. I refused to believe her.

Just then, Augie bolted down the hallway, tail held high, with about six inches of red velvet ribbon protruding from his rear! I ordered my mom to get dressed while I scooped up Augie, wrapped him in a towel, and we dashed out the door to the vet, determined to arrive by 7:30.

Augie’s vet, a petite Indian man who had been our vet for years, instantly recognized that something was amiss when he saw us in the parking lot. He came over and ushered us inside.

His eyes widened when he spotted the ribbon sticking out from Augie’s backside. After putting on gloves, he gingerly tugged at the ribbon. The whole scene played out like a comedic skit reminiscent of a 70s comedian named Art Metrano, who would do a ridiculous “magic” act while performing silly hand gestures to a catchy tune.

The vet kept pulling, his eyes growing wider, while Augie let out periodic “WOOOOWWWWWW!!!” sounds. Finally, the doctor triumphantly held up a six-foot-long piece of ribbon, now covered in… well, you can guess. Augie looked mortified, and the vet had to stand on his tiptoes to keep the ribbon from dragging on the floor.

Then, in a burst of enthusiasm, he strolled into the waiting room, tiptoeing while holding the ribbon aloft. “YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE WHAT I JUST PULLED FROM THIS CAT’S HINEY!” The waiting room erupted with laughter. I wanted to sink into the floor. Augie looked at the vet as if to say, “Will I ever see you again?” Meanwhile, I caught a glimpse of my mom, who had thrown on a red floral top and purple plaid shorts in her rush, an outfit that clashed horribly.

Since that wild morning, I’ve been extra careful with anything stringy around my cats. As entertaining as that day was, I definitely don’t want to relive it!